My housemate moved in. Three months later, we were engaged

Chayce (left) and Cat (right) (Picture: Cat Dee Wolf)

My mind suddenly went blank, with a sea of expectant faces staring back at me.

I was performing a comedy routine as my drag king alter ego, Max Dee Wolf, but I had completely forgotten my train of thought.

That’s when I looked into the crowd and saw my partner, Chayce, staring back at me. Just his smiling, reassuring face in the audience was enough for me to remember my set.

He’s my biggest fan, and I am his. He’s also my first ever queer relationship – and this was the pivotal moment that it really struck me how important he had become.

I met Chayce on Trans Day of Visibility. It was a virtual event run by Queer House Party – an online LGBTQIA+ group set up during lockdown – in May 2021.

I remember Chayce smiling and bopping along at his desk. Of course, I had no idea then how important he would become to me. 

Cat performs as alter ego Max Dee Wolf (Picture: Cat Dee Wolf) Chayce (pictured) was funny, so I started liking his content (Picture: Cat Dee Wolf)

After the party ended, Chayce followed me on Instagram.

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It was clear from his profile that he was a proud trans man at the start of his transition journey, but aside from that he regularly appeared in my feed doing the latest dance trend or performing a comedy skit.

He was funny, so I started liking his content. Then I began commenting. And then I DM’d.

I referred him to a YouTube video by another trans masculine creator that I had found helpful early in my gender journey, as I thought he might find it useful.

He responded with a row of question marks. I clarified that my previous message was intended to help share information.

Our communication evolved from there and soon after, I got his number.

It became a daily occurrence for us to speak on the phone with one another and the conversation was effortless.

Chayce and Cat both identify as pansexual (Picture: Cat Dee Wolf)

I quickly realised that loyalty, openness and compassion rank very highly for both of us. We’ve also both been through a lot in our lives.

He quickly became a part of my chosen family and it’s everything our assigned ‘families’ failed to be. Together, we were healing the hurt they left behind.

But most importantly, I discovered we had huge compatibility as individuals, right down to the fact we are both pansexual – meaning someone who is sexually or romantically attracted to people regardless of their sex or gender.

Chayce happened to need somewhere to live (Picture: Cat Dee Wolf)

I enjoyed having someone to talk to, someone I could be honest with. Someone who really listened to what I had to say and wanted to know more.

But neither of us was looking for a relationship at that time, nor did we expect whatever this was to become one.

Within the first three months, following a fire at his flat in Bournemouth and crashing with friends in the aftermath, Chayce needed to find somewhere to live.

Cat feared being a drag king would diminish their chances of finding love (Picture: Rick Cordell) Cat and Chayce met online (Picture: Rick Cordell)

So I asked, not entirely seriously, ‘why not move here?’ But he surprised me and transferred his job to my town – 131 miles across the country to Kent.

Of course, I only ever intended it to be a purely platonic housemate relationship. But something unexpected happened. 

A week before he was due to move in with me in September 2021, I invited him to a hotel in London to assist me on a drag photoshoot I organised.

It was the first time we’d met in person, and from the minute I saw him, there was an electric connection between us.

I’d never experienced anything like it. I kept losing my focus every time he was near me and the one time his elbow was just inches away from mine, I felt shivers down my spine.

After the shoot ended, he stayed with me in the hotel that night. Nothing happened physically but the attraction I felt for him was intense. 

Cat and Chayce began dating 10 days after meeting (Picture: Cat Dee Wolf)

From there, it was game over. In the best possible way.

Chayce moved into my place as planned the next week and it was soon quite clear for both of us that this was more than just a friendship.

A week after the photoshoot, we went on our first date to the queer pub, The Glory, which is where I started my drag journey in 2016. The venue holds a special significance to me, which is exactly why I wanted to share it with him.

We began dating and after 10 days, we became an official couple.

While it wasn’t his first queer relationship, it was mine. There’s also a seven-year age gap between us – I’m 33 and Chayce is 26.

For a long time I held the misconception that as a drag king, no one would want to be in a relationship with me. This is because I have always been viewed by people as ‘weird’ because of my creativity and the bright clothes that I wear.

Cat and Chayce are now engaged (Picture: Cat Dee Wolf) Chayce (left) was the first one to say ‘I love you’ (Picture: Rick Cordell)

But Chayce showed me that wasn’t the case. That I was worthy and deserving of love.

Chayce was the first one to say ‘I love you’. It was a slip of the tongue – I knew he hadn’t realised what he’d said so I smiled and kept it to myself. But it only took a few weeks before I said it back.

Then, just three months after we officially started dating, we got engaged on 25 January 2022. 

We were at home on the sofa and had just come back from a friend’s big gay wedding. Chayce had come to the realisation that he wanted to get married. 

Cat (left) and Chayce (right) in bed (Picture: Cat Dee Wolf)

Previously, he hadn’t believed in tying the knot. But something fell into place for him that day and he’d decided that he wanted to marry me.

As my first experience of queer relationships, I wasn’t expecting to meet ‘the one’ right out of the gate.

We don’t have family to invite to a wedding to fill a church. So it will be a dedication to our love and the love of our queer community. It’s also going to be a big drag show, as that means a lot to us.

Cat (left) and Chayce (right) (Picture: Cat Dee Wolf)

Chayce sees my masculinity outside of drag performance, without the makeup or the tailored suits. He was the first person to ever call me ‘handsome’ and even a ‘lad’.

I’m his ‘non-binary finery’. His perfect blend. He gives me the space to be exactly who I am. 

It makes me feel incredibly safe and cared for.

We play together. Dance in the kitchen. I make him laugh at my stupid jokes. We go on adventures together and talk about our future.

I’m so proud of our relationship because we found in each other the family we always needed. I know he’s here to stay. 

Not bad for my first ever queer relationship.

Follow Cat @‌catdeewolf and discover more about their drag king persona @‌maxdeewolf

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