Madonna reveals she contemplated suicide during custody battle over son Rocco Ritchie
The singer became embroiled in a custody battle with ex-husband Guy Ritchie
Madonna has revealed that she contemplated suicide after a custody battle with her ex-husband Guy Ritchie in 2016.
The singer, 67, and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels director married in 2000, the same year their son Rocco was born. They divorced in 2008.
In 2016 Rocco, who was 16 at the time, decided to move to London to live with his father while his mother was on tour.
The Grammy winner described the custody battle as ‘one of the most painful moments of [her] life.’
Speaking on the latest episode of Jay Shetty’s On Purpose podcast, she added: ‘There were moments in my life I wanted to cut my arms off… I actually contemplated suicide.’
She continued: ‘I would say probably one of the most painful moments in my life where I honestly couldn’t see the forest for the trees was when I went through a custody battle with my son.’
The singer became embroiled in a custody battle with ex-husband Guy Ritchie in 2016 over Rocco (Picture: Getty) Madonna split from Rocco’s father Guy in 2008 (Picture: Getty)‘Even though my marriage didn’t work out… I mean a lot of people’s marriages don’t work out. They marry the wrong people. They’re not aligned. They’re not meant for each other. Someone trying to take my child away from me was like, they might as well just kill me.’
She added: ‘That’s really how I was thinking. And I was on tour at the time, so I had to go on stage every night. I would just be lying on the floor of my dressing room sobbing. I really thought it was like it was the end of the world. I couldn’t take it. I just couldn’t take it.’
The Vogue singer added that she’s now repaired her relationship with Rocco, saying: ‘Thank God I don’t feel that way anymore… I’m happy to say that I’m really good friends with my son, but I couldn’t see it then. I really thought it was the end of the world. So, you know, thank God I had a spiritual life.’
Who are Madonna's children? Lourdes Leon (born in 1996) – Madonna’s eldest child from her relationship with fitness trainer Carlos Leon. Rocco Ritchie (born in 2000) – Her eldest son with ex Guy Ritchie. David Banda (born in 2005) – In 2006 Madonna and Guy Ritchie adopted David when he was one from an orphanage in Malawi. Mercy James (born in 2006) – After Madonna’s divorce from Ritchie, she applied to adopt Mercy from Malawi as a single mother in May 2009 and was approved the next month. Twins Stella and Estere (born in 2012) – Madonna adopted her daughters from Malawi in 2017.On the podcast, the singer also revealed for the first time the details of her battle with sepsis – an ordeal that left her unconscious for four days and profoundly reshaped her outlook on life.
‘I had something called sepsis, and it can kill you,’ the star said, breaking her silence about the life-threatening infection.
She described the sudden collapse in her health with stark clarity: ‘I was rehearsing for a tour, and I got a bacterial infection.
The singer opened up on her life-threatening sepsis diagnosis (Picture: Kevin Mazur/WireImage for Live Nation)‘One minute I was alive and dancing around, and the next minute I was in the ICU, unconscious for four days. They took me off the ventilator, I started to breathe on my own, and I had something called sepsis, and it can kill you.’
Madonna’s case quickly escalated to an emergency requiring intensive care.
The singer said the experience taught her about what she calls ‘radical acceptance.’
She explained: ‘Radical acceptance is just accepting that what is happening to you is meant to happen to you, and that you’re gonna be okay…. There’s no way we’re going to escape suffering.’
Even as she lay in the hospital, Madonna said she felt a powerful spiritual moment involving her late mother, Madonna Louise.
‘My mother appeared to me, and she said, “Do you want to come with me?” And I said, “No.” My assistant was in the room with me… she heard me say no,’ she told Shetty.
The star said she was unconscious for four days (Picture: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)A year after leaving the hospital, Madonna reflected on her recovery in an Instagram post that read.
‘A year ago today, I had just come home from the hospital after surviving a life-threatening illness. I could barely stand in my backyard holding one sparkler,’ she wrote.
‘I was like, “Oh, I’m gonna kick this, I’m gonna be good, I’m getting back into rehearsals,” and I had no strength, no energy, couldn’t get out of bed, and I didn’t know when it was gonna end,’ she admitted, adding that some people never regain their full health after sepsis.
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