Watching this little-known reality TV show is my self care

I for one think all Brits need to give it a chance (Picture: Dylan Woodley)

I’m all set on the sofa, veggie nuggets and rooibos tea in hand, ready for the latest episode of my favourite Dutch reality franchise: B&B Vol Liefde – aka ‘B&B Full of Love’.

Each series follows a range of Dutch bed-and-breakfast owners running a business abroad, who are lonely and looking for love.

People back in The Netherlands, smitten with the idea of these exports, with operations as far afield as Scotland, Portugal and Austria, then apply. A select few are dropped at the B&B owners’ doorsteps, and then… we watch. 

As soon as we power through a recap of last week’s episode followed by a quick intro of our smiling, searching subject, the screen cuts to Adrienne, who owns and operates an enormous hotel in the Austrian Alps.

So far in this series we’ve seen her gently turn away one soft-spoken, lightly spiritual middle-aged man (she has a type) after another – they’re not quite right for my widowed queen, Adrienne. 

She’s a major catch and not just any greying Dutchman will do. 

They’re not quite right for my widowed queen, Adrienne (pictured) (Picture: RTL 4)

Now, she’s telling yet another one that she just doesn’t feel the spark and will never love him. I’m more invested than ever.

Cue a dramatic musical beat that should, theoretically, signal major tension and set the scene for an explosive fight. But instead, the Dutchman just nods silently and packs his bags. 

Had this been an episode of Love Island, Big Brother or Ex on The Beach, I’m sure there would have been some larger-than-life histrionics and some eternally meme-able, if regrettable, moments as a result.

But the Dutch don’t do it this way.

Their version of reality TV often has an uncanny, dreamlike feel that always draws the line at true balls-to-the-wall, is-it-ethical-to-be-watching-this lunacy. And I for one think all Brits need to give it a chance.

Many people are unaware that the Dutch actually created lots of reality TV (Picture: Dylan Woodley)

Getting ‘into’ Dutch reality TV didn’t exactly happen by chance. I first moved to Amsterdam at age 20, and I’ve spent over a decade of my life here. And when I was 29, I married a Dutchman, too.

As a comedian, this has allowed me to carve out a niche for myself creating sketches about cultural clashes between the Dutch, English and Americans. So, naturally, I’ve since found myself consuming Dutch cultural artefacts like reality television as a natural part of my cultural integration.

One key lesson I’ve learned since doing this though, is that the rest of the world is confused by what Dutch even is and this means significant Dutch contributions to global culture often fly under the radar.

For example, many people are unaware that the Dutch actually created lots of reality TV formats that Brits and Americans consider mainstays of TV culture. Shows like Big Brother, The Voice, Fear Factor, and Deal or No Deal were all developed by Dutch reality TV producer John de Mol. 

In B&B Vol Liefde the suitors to these lonely but overworked Dutch hoteliers are typically very ordinary people (Picture: RTL 4)

But it’s actually from Dutch dating shows that I think we Brits can learn the most. Firstly, there’s a distinct lack of the outrageous (and drunk) personalities Brits have come to demand of their reality TV subjects.

In B&B Vol Liefde the suitors to these lonely but overworked Dutch hoteliers are typically very ordinary people thrust in front of cameras while attempting to fall in love. 

They are then in competition with other ordinary people, but unlike comparable British or American reality programming, tensions between Dutch subjects never explode in quite the same way.

That’s because explosive displays of theatrical and/or repressed emotion go deeply against the grain of Dutch social mores.

The Dutch from Holland – much like Britons to the far north – are often more direct and unsentimental, friendly but matter-of-fact compared to their neighbours to the south. For this reason, sparks (romantic or otherwise) rarely fly.

Without all the screaming and throwing of wine glasses, Dutch reality TV is sort of like watching those clips of Friends (Picture: Dylan Woodley)

You might think it makes the programme lacklustre, but actually, there’s something enticing about the mumblecore, chilled out, and emotionally removed Dutch reality TV I’ve seen.

Perhaps that’s because, as we continue to live through trying times, watching people drink too much pinot grigio then launch themselves across a table to strangle someone isn’t the escape it once was.

Lately, I’m finding this kind of conflict overwhelming rather than entertaining.

That’s not to say that these shows are without drama. The musical beats and cookie-cutter storytelling are much the same as in anglophone counterparts, but the mood is notably more reserved and contemplative.

Without all the screaming and throwing of wine glasses, Dutch reality TV is sort of like watching those clips of Friends where they’ve removed the laugh tracks. As a result, I’ve found I’m able to make it through my evening on the couch without having one single panic attack.

How to see Derek perform live

You can catch Derek Mitchell performing his shows ‘Goblin’ and ‘Double Dutch’ at London’s Soho Theatre from Monday March 10 to Tuesday April 8. For tickets please visit here.

This will be followed by a UK tour of ‘Double Dutch’ and a run of ‘Goblin’ at the Edinburgh Fringe this year. 

Comment nowHave you watched any Dutch reality TV? Have your say in the comments belowComment Now

I will say that speaking Dutch makes it a lot easier to watch these shows. Unlike the Germans, French, and Italians – who often seem to think that their languages and cultural traditions are sacrosanct and aesthetically superior – the Dutch, in general, aren’t proud of their language or their culture.

Most would balk to hear that you’ve attempted to learn their language. To them, it’s inefficient and something really just intended for family and reality TV. 

That in itself can make it hard to find reliable, English subtitling, which is needed to really grasp the full extent of the muted, simmering conflicts, the dry wit, and Germanic good-naturedness. But I have hope.

If you’d like to ease your way into Dutch reality through a more familiar format, I’d recommend the Dutch Married at First Sight or even Dutch Love Island. 

Of course, I still do love British reality – and the endless memes it generates – but I think of Dutch reality as a form of self care. It can be tricky to find English subtitling, but the internet is a vast place. Have a Google – I’m sure you’ll turn up something.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got about a dozen new B&B Vol Liefde episodes to binge.

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